I've tried four times to get out what I mean to say. I've sat here and typed paragraphs and deleted them because they just don't capture what I'm trying to say. So I'm just going to write and hope it makes sense.
God is amazing. I just want to scream it from the rooftops. God. Is. Amazing. God is so far above anything I could ever imagine, so much higher and more awesome than anything I could ever dream of. He breathes out stars and speaks light. His hands dropped the stars into place and I know he knows their names. The sky screams his praises, the sun rises and sets to the glory of his name. There is nothing like Him, no one like Him in the whole of creation. He cares for the birds and the trees, He cares for His creation because he loves to do so. How magnificent is that. Everything he's done is awesome, even if it doesn't look that way. He's provided so much and kept me so long, I could never trust another like I trust Him. He's the one who I know I can turn to when I'm scared, when I feel alone or distressed, when I don't know what to do, when I'm overjoyed and don't know what to do with the happiness I feel. He's there. I could never hide from Him because his eye is always on me. He doesn't look away because he loves me. It's insane.
I don't think I could ever fully comprehend all that He is or all the love He has for me. He holds me and never lets go, He's patient and kind and generous and so many more things that no language could ever quite convey. The few words that I can give are far less than what He deserves but I don't have anything else to give. And even in my piddly little offering, He's glad. Because He's amazing.
20.7.12
17.7.12
I Love You Too
So, I'm back with another post. Because I know how much you guys love them (joke, haha). Seriously though, I don't know why nothing would come whenever I was trying to write something, but it wouldn't come.
A couple of days ago, I was listening to Mumford and Sons because I'm such a hipster, and the song "White Blank Page" came on because it was part of the playlist. No biggie, right? Songs usually come on when they're part of a playlist. The song is here:
So I was listening to that song and one of the lines I had never really listened to caught my ear. He says "You desired my attention, but denied my affection." And I got this weird look on my face like I just ate something rotten and was watching the most beautiful sunset in the universe at the same time. In that line, I didn't just hear Marcus Mumford singing, I heard a near desperate, almost heartbroken cry. In that line, God was saying to me "You desired my attention but denied my affection." And then later, the same desperation came through in the line "Tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?"
I wanted to cry.
I thought of all the "conversations" I had with God where I'm accusing Him of something.
"Why are you making this so hard on me? Why don't you make it easier? Do you like to see me fail?"
Tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart? I wasn't listening.
"God, why isn't this working out the exact way I want it? Do you like frustrating me or something?"
Tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart? Again, I didn't listen.
Needless to say, after listening to this song, I was very upset with myself. I desired His attention but denied His affection, when really that's all I need. And it upset me so much. How could I have been so heartless, so blind to the love that was being offered to me? All He's done is love me and all I've done is "gimme gimme." Even now as I'm writing this I feel a little disgust at the way I've been. A spoiled brat.
It got me to wondering if anyone else acted this way. If you're acting like a brat, there's no shame and no condemnation, but stop it (in the most loving way possible). Here we have a God infinite in being and abounding in love, and he wants to give us that love and instead he's nudging us, saying "You desired my attention, but denied my affection. So tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?" And we just gripe. We need to stop. We need to be a loving bride, not a nag who only wants more and more. I'm amazed that He still loves us with all of that whining we do. And yet, in His awesomeness and fantasticality, He still loves us.
13.6.12
I Just Wanna be Real
I've been trying to blog and it just isn't working. So I'm just letting you guys know I haven't abandoned this blog. Just a dry season is all. Please don't hate me.... I'M SO SORRY AMERICA I HAVE FAILED YOU (spirals into hysterical weeping fit). I love you all. Happily forever after, the end.
CHRIS AUGUST VIDEO IS TIBI. TIBI=TO YOU. CHRIS AUGUST VIDEO IS TO YOU. KBAI.
13.5.12
Why my Mommy is the Best.
My mommy is the best mommy in the world. Words simply cannot describe how much she means to me. My mother is a role model. I can look to her for wisdom and guidance because she knows what to do.
My mother is a source of constant support for me. She supports me and believes in me. My mother is a woman who has hope. She believes in dreams. I want to go to Liberty University and she doesn't think that it's crazy. She believes that I will succeed in missions after high school. She believes that I am a winner.
My mother is wise and she is faithful. She has taught me to honor my commitments. She does not believe in making promises and breaking them. My mom has taught me integrity. She has taught me that it doesn't matter who is around, what's right is what's right and it doesn't matter who's around, I should do what's right.
My mother has taught me how to follow God wholeheartedly. God comes first, then family, then ministry. My mom passionately pursues God above all, and she has taught me to trust in Him. She is such an example of how to trust in God even when it seems like foolishness to us as people.
My mommy is so much fun. She might not catch my sarcasm all the time and I might not get half of her jokes, but my mom is funny. She doesn't take life too seriously. She knows how to have fun and enjoy herself even when other people would be worrying over stupid stuff and she's taught me how to do the same. She likes to laugh and she has such a...unique...sense of humor.
I honestly have no idea where I would be if my mother were not in my life. I can't even imagine what I would be without her. I love my mother so much. She is truly the best in the world.
My mother is a source of constant support for me. She supports me and believes in me. My mother is a woman who has hope. She believes in dreams. I want to go to Liberty University and she doesn't think that it's crazy. She believes that I will succeed in missions after high school. She believes that I am a winner.
My mother is wise and she is faithful. She has taught me to honor my commitments. She does not believe in making promises and breaking them. My mom has taught me integrity. She has taught me that it doesn't matter who is around, what's right is what's right and it doesn't matter who's around, I should do what's right.
My mother has taught me how to follow God wholeheartedly. God comes first, then family, then ministry. My mom passionately pursues God above all, and she has taught me to trust in Him. She is such an example of how to trust in God even when it seems like foolishness to us as people.
My mommy is so much fun. She might not catch my sarcasm all the time and I might not get half of her jokes, but my mom is funny. She doesn't take life too seriously. She knows how to have fun and enjoy herself even when other people would be worrying over stupid stuff and she's taught me how to do the same. She likes to laugh and she has such a...unique...sense of humor.
I honestly have no idea where I would be if my mother were not in my life. I can't even imagine what I would be without her. I love my mother so much. She is truly the best in the world.
11.4.12
Roll Away Your Stone
So today I went to a...thingy...at my church, and one of the classes I was sitting in was lead by absolutely the most cultured woman I know. (She wrote a book and has a blog and is simply maaaagicaaal... and I love her muchly.) And she was mentioning how the Gospel can be found in everything. She asked for examples and I mentioned Mumford and Sons, a lovely band from England. The song "Roll Away Your Stone," specifically. The lyrics are:
Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we will find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I am afraid of what I will discover inside
This sounds to me like a moment of introspection.
The speaker is beginning to commit to looking inside
of himself, to removing his mask of solidness and look
at how he really is. But he is afraid of seeing how jacked
up he really is. This speaks to the Christian life as a whole,
the process of conversion, if you will. The first step is to
see how how messed up we are, even if we are afraid of
what we will find.
You told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals
This "hole" is the place in our lives where we try to fill
our emptiness with something other than Christ. It's in
this fragile place in us (our souls). And we try and fill
this place with "things unreal," things that distract us for
a moment like people and music. These passions consume
us and eat away at all we are, essentially stealing our
character.
Darkness is a harsh term don't you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
This is the realization that we have to come to that darkness,
no matter how scary it may sound, is the source of everything
we seek without Christ.
It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
But, you say that's exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home
that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart
The burning of the bridges to me means the relationships that
have to be lost in order to receive the grace. And the way to
heaven is hard and long and painful, but the reward of heaven
in the end is what you look forward to when things are hard.
Darkness is a harsh term don't you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
Darkness is a harsh term don't you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
Darkness is a harsh term don't you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
Stars hide your fires,
And these here are my desires
And I will give them up to you this time around
And so, I’ll be found
with my steak stuck in this ground
Marking its territory of this newly impassioned soul
hide your fires,
these are my desires
And I will give them up to you this time around
ADD:And so, I’ll be found
with my steak stuck in this ground
Marking its territory of this newly impassioned soul
The lines "these here are my desires/and I will give them up to
you this time around," to me are the words of repentance. When
one is pursuing something that one loves, but for the wrong
reasons, it's like pursuing the wrong thing. But when one gives his
desires up, it's a new start. It's a line in the sand, a stake in the
ground, that marks what this newly renewed soul will and will not do.
But you, you've gone too far this time
You have neither reason nor rhyme
With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine
This, I see as a joyful scoff at Satan. Christ is claiming what is His,
telling Satan that he has no place now with this soul that is so
properly His.
(from http://www.lyricsmania.com/roll_away_your_stone_lyrics_mumford_and_sons.html)
We didn't say all that in the class session thingy, but this is what I saw in the lyrics as I read them, like just now.
Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we will find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I am afraid of what I will discover inside
This sounds to me like a moment of introspection.
The speaker is beginning to commit to looking inside
of himself, to removing his mask of solidness and look
at how he really is. But he is afraid of seeing how jacked
up he really is. This speaks to the Christian life as a whole,
the process of conversion, if you will. The first step is to
see how how messed up we are, even if we are afraid of
what we will find.
You told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals
This "hole" is the place in our lives where we try to fill
our emptiness with something other than Christ. It's in
this fragile place in us (our souls). And we try and fill
this place with "things unreal," things that distract us for
a moment like people and music. These passions consume
us and eat away at all we are, essentially stealing our
character.
Darkness is a harsh term don't you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
This is the realization that we have to come to that darkness,
no matter how scary it may sound, is the source of everything
we seek without Christ.
It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
But, you say that's exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home
that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart
The burning of the bridges to me means the relationships that
have to be lost in order to receive the grace. And the way to
heaven is hard and long and painful, but the reward of heaven
in the end is what you look forward to when things are hard.
Darkness is a harsh term don't you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
Darkness is a harsh term don't you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
Darkness is a harsh term don't you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
Stars hide your fires,
And these here are my desires
And I will give them up to you this time around
And so, I’ll be found
with my steak stuck in this ground
Marking its territory of this newly impassioned soul
hide your fires,
these are my desires
And I will give them up to you this time around
ADD:And so, I’ll be found
with my steak stuck in this ground
Marking its territory of this newly impassioned soul
The lines "these here are my desires/and I will give them up to
you this time around," to me are the words of repentance. When
one is pursuing something that one loves, but for the wrong
reasons, it's like pursuing the wrong thing. But when one gives his
desires up, it's a new start. It's a line in the sand, a stake in the
ground, that marks what this newly renewed soul will and will not do.
But you, you've gone too far this time
You have neither reason nor rhyme
With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine
This, I see as a joyful scoff at Satan. Christ is claiming what is His,
telling Satan that he has no place now with this soul that is so
properly His.
(from http://www.lyricsmania.com/roll_away_your_stone_lyrics_mumford_and_sons.html)
We didn't say all that in the class session thingy, but this is what I saw in the lyrics as I read them, like just now.
10.4.12
Easter, two days after...
Hey, so I meant to post this on Sunday, but I couldn't, and I meant to post this yesterday but we did things and my brain got thrown off, and blah blah blah, so here I post it today.
Happy Resurrection Day(:
And so, I shall tell a lovely story about my crying my eyes out on the Easter Sunday.
Our worship set on Sunday was as follows:
*Jesus Saves: http://youtu.be/qbpFdjx8Vt0
* God is Able: http://youtu.be/_2exW2cUdC4
*Overcome: http://youtu.be/rhmcmpX4Zn4
*In Christ Alone: http://youtu.be/d4FBLH5n6IU
(^It took me a little while to find the right arrangements of the songs. And I am absolutely in love with the last two..)
I reflect on the songs now.
We will overcome
By the Blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony
Everyone overcome
That bridge speaks rivers and oceans to me. We will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. Everyone, overcome.
The way it sounds to me, it's like an invitation to a party. Like we're saying, "Hey guys, we're gonna go overcome now, by the blood of the lamb and our testimonies. You wanna come? Hey! Everybody! Come overcome with us!" And who wouldn't want to overcome? It's like...just awesome. The bridge in itself seems a testimony spoken in faith. It's lovely.
"We will overcome" is not a question. "We will overcome" is an imperative statement. We will overcome. Not we might overcome, not it seems like overcoming might happen at some point in my life. It isn't, "It looks like maybe a couple of weeks ago I may have overcome, but now I'm so screwed up that I can't. " It isn't "My situation is so bleak, my addiction is so strong, my money is so tight, my marriage is so jacked up that maybe if I had tried to overcome yesterday then I could win, but now I can't overcome."
It is not "Will we overcome?"It is "We will overcome." Only by the blood of the lamb who was slain. There is no "overcome," no conquering without the blood of the Lamb.
"By...the word of our testimony." That means we have to have one. When hardships are encountered, when you're stuck in the mud, when you're caged in, when you're trapped, count it as joy. James 1:2 "Dear brothers and sisters, when trouble comes your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." Know why I'm not depressed because of my situation? When others in my place would be angry with God for letting life happen, I count it joy because if nothing more, the garbage that I go through is the same garbage that someone else is going through. When I go through that garbage, it's another testimony to the grace of God. I'm not dead. I'm not homeless and cold and starving, I'm not depressed, I'm not alone. And if God provides for me, he would provide for someone else in my situation. He wouldn't let them go. And He has chosen me to be proof of that, proof of His great love through the storm.
Another set of lines I look far too deeply into:
All authority
Every victory is Yours
Savior
Worthy of Honor and Glory
Worthy of all of our praise
You overcame
Jesus
Awesome in power forever
Awesome and great is Your Name
For You overcame
I think this is just massive boost of faith for everyone. All authority and every victory is His. That's such a comforting....pre-chorus...? Whatever it's called, it's very comforting. Just to walk with the knowledge that the One who loves me enough to die for me also has all authority and every victory is like a soft blanket of peace. (<-- Like my analogy? I do. You should like it). It's just, like, we're hearing Jesus say, "Hey guys chill. I've got this. I've got all of this."
And then the past tense of "You overcame" is beautiful to me. I just love it. I mean, I know it's true that He did overcome, but I think it's more the fact that it doesn't say "You overcome" because that, to me, implies that overcoming is still happening. And it isn't. Jesus isn't still overcoming our struggles and stuff, it's already done. It is finished.
So to close, here are some rather victorious scriptures that, when paired with an "impossible" circumstance are enough to bring tears and stuff.
Ps 34:19 - Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.
Is 41:13 (NIV) - For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Ps. 27:1 - The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Romans 8:31...if God be for us, who can be against us?
Romans 8:38-39 38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,
39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
1 Cor. 2:9 - Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
And now....a thingy.
Light.
Rejoice
Life.
Rejoice
The tomb is
open.
Hope.
Darkness bested by
Light.
Despair bested by
Hope.
There is Hope.
He is here.
There is Freedom.
He is here.
There is Life.
He is here.
There is Truth.
He is here.
There is Joy.
He is here.
He is here.
______________________________________
There in the ground
His body lay
Light of the world
By darkness slain
Then bursting forth
In glorious day
Up from the grave
He rose again
And as He stands
In victory
Sin's curse has lost
Its grip on me
For I am His
And He is Mine
Bought with the precious
Blood of Christ
Everyone Overcome.
Peace(:
Happy Resurrection Day(:
And so, I shall tell a lovely story about my crying my eyes out on the Easter Sunday.
Our worship set on Sunday was as follows:
*Jesus Saves: http://youtu.be/qbpFdjx8Vt0
* God is Able: http://youtu.be/_2exW2cUdC4
*Overcome: http://youtu.be/rhmcmpX4Zn4
*In Christ Alone: http://youtu.be/d4FBLH5n6IU
(^It took me a little while to find the right arrangements of the songs. And I am absolutely in love with the last two..)
I reflect on the songs now.
We will overcome
By the Blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony
Everyone overcome
That bridge speaks rivers and oceans to me. We will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. Everyone, overcome.
The way it sounds to me, it's like an invitation to a party. Like we're saying, "Hey guys, we're gonna go overcome now, by the blood of the lamb and our testimonies. You wanna come? Hey! Everybody! Come overcome with us!" And who wouldn't want to overcome? It's like...just awesome. The bridge in itself seems a testimony spoken in faith. It's lovely.
"We will overcome" is not a question. "We will overcome" is an imperative statement. We will overcome. Not we might overcome, not it seems like overcoming might happen at some point in my life. It isn't, "It looks like maybe a couple of weeks ago I may have overcome, but now I'm so screwed up that I can't. " It isn't "My situation is so bleak, my addiction is so strong, my money is so tight, my marriage is so jacked up that maybe if I had tried to overcome yesterday then I could win, but now I can't overcome."
It is not "Will we overcome?"It is "We will overcome." Only by the blood of the lamb who was slain. There is no "overcome," no conquering without the blood of the Lamb.
"By...the word of our testimony." That means we have to have one. When hardships are encountered, when you're stuck in the mud, when you're caged in, when you're trapped, count it as joy. James 1:2 "Dear brothers and sisters, when trouble comes your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." Know why I'm not depressed because of my situation? When others in my place would be angry with God for letting life happen, I count it joy because if nothing more, the garbage that I go through is the same garbage that someone else is going through. When I go through that garbage, it's another testimony to the grace of God. I'm not dead. I'm not homeless and cold and starving, I'm not depressed, I'm not alone. And if God provides for me, he would provide for someone else in my situation. He wouldn't let them go. And He has chosen me to be proof of that, proof of His great love through the storm.
Another set of lines I look far too deeply into:
All authority
Every victory is Yours
Savior
Worthy of Honor and Glory
Worthy of all of our praise
You overcame
Jesus
Awesome in power forever
Awesome and great is Your Name
For You overcame
I think this is just massive boost of faith for everyone. All authority and every victory is His. That's such a comforting....pre-chorus...? Whatever it's called, it's very comforting. Just to walk with the knowledge that the One who loves me enough to die for me also has all authority and every victory is like a soft blanket of peace. (<-- Like my analogy? I do. You should like it). It's just, like, we're hearing Jesus say, "Hey guys chill. I've got this. I've got all of this."
And then the past tense of "You overcame" is beautiful to me. I just love it. I mean, I know it's true that He did overcome, but I think it's more the fact that it doesn't say "You overcome" because that, to me, implies that overcoming is still happening. And it isn't. Jesus isn't still overcoming our struggles and stuff, it's already done. It is finished.
So to close, here are some rather victorious scriptures that, when paired with an "impossible" circumstance are enough to bring tears and stuff.
Ps 34:19 - Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.
Is 41:13 (NIV) - For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Ps. 27:1 - The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Romans 8:31...if God be for us, who can be against us?
Romans 8:38-39 38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,
39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
1 Cor. 2:9 - Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
And now....a thingy.
Light.
Rejoice
Life.
Rejoice
The tomb is
open.
Hope.
Darkness bested by
Light.
Despair bested by
Hope.
There is Hope.
He is here.
There is Freedom.
He is here.
There is Life.
He is here.
There is Truth.
He is here.
There is Joy.
He is here.
He is here.
______________________________________
There in the ground
His body lay
Light of the world
By darkness slain
Then bursting forth
In glorious day
Up from the grave
He rose again
And as He stands
In victory
Sin's curse has lost
Its grip on me
For I am His
And He is Mine
Bought with the precious
Blood of Christ
Everyone Overcome.
Peace(:
6.3.12
What I Learned from the ACT (or, I Think I Should be Healthier...)
Wow, it's been a while since I posted on here. *dusts off cobwebs* Uhm...yeah. That isn't supposed to happen. I'll try to be more consistent with this. Like, for real.
So today was the first year of the state-mandated ACT for 11th graders. It was awful. First I had to get to school an hour and a half earlier, which means leaving at a corresponding time. I appreciate sleep very much, so this was no small struggle for me. Then I had to walk to the third floor of my school and sit in a room for five hours staring at multiple choice questions that I hardly knew any of the answers to in hopes that my score would be acceptable to colleges (or at least to the few who still accept the ACT...if anyone does...). It wasn't fun.
There were perhaps only three good things about the test. First, it was free. That's always a good thing. Second, I got free chips and juice. Also always a good thing. I like juice. The third good thing was what God revealed to me while I was supposed to be taking the science portion.
God has called us all to health. And I mean that in the most obvious and intricate of ways. He has called, in the intricate category, for every cell in our bodies to be functioning properly and in accordance with His will. That means no cancer, no heart disease, no cold or flu. It means alignment with Him. And I'm pretty sure God doesn't get sick.
In the obvious sense, God has called us to observable physical health. And I say this carefully: God has called us to a healthy weight.
I know this probably isn't a surprise; if health is what He wants, that would include our weight. But can I get an amen when I say that size zero isn't everyone's healthy weight? Healthy weights focus on health, not appearance. Not everyone is meant to be a size three or four, but I don't think everyone is meant to be a size thirty either. (I speak in women's sizes. Sorry males. I have no idea how you guys size your clothings.)
So God told me, while I was "testing" that health is not something that just happens to you. I'm not talking about miraculous healing or anything- that absolutely can happen to you. But I mean health as in a state of being. A state of wellness. That means a healthy weight, healthy mind, healthy relationship.
If we look at those three things, I am one-third healthy. I (think that I) have a healthy mind. But other than that, it's kind of a loss. And so, very humbly, I told God I was fed up. I was fed up with not being healthy physically and fed up with not having a healthy consistent relationship with Him. And then He gave me ideas. You know, because he's cool like that.
•Eat more salad. (He told me four salads a week, but I don't know how much salad you eat. He also knows that I enjoy salad. A lot.)
•Eat less snacks, and chew gum instead. (This is because I am orally fixated, meaning I have an almost constant desire to chew on something. Oral fixations usually lead to smokers and overweight people. Smokers don't chew on the cigarettes, I think, but there's still something in their mouths. So it works. And food is self-explanatory. You want to chew. You can chew food. Therefore, food goes into the mouth. Nom noms equals weight gain.)
•Walk more. (Not like, park further away from the mall, though that would work too, but actually purpose to walk a certain distance at a certain time.)
•Don't eat sweets so much. (Because sugar isn't good either.)
•I'm sure you've heard this before: shop around the outside of the store, only venturing into the heavily processed middle when you absolutely have to.
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
(1 Cor 6:19-20, NIV)
So today was the first year of the state-mandated ACT for 11th graders. It was awful. First I had to get to school an hour and a half earlier, which means leaving at a corresponding time. I appreciate sleep very much, so this was no small struggle for me. Then I had to walk to the third floor of my school and sit in a room for five hours staring at multiple choice questions that I hardly knew any of the answers to in hopes that my score would be acceptable to colleges (or at least to the few who still accept the ACT...if anyone does...). It wasn't fun.
There were perhaps only three good things about the test. First, it was free. That's always a good thing. Second, I got free chips and juice. Also always a good thing. I like juice. The third good thing was what God revealed to me while I was supposed to be taking the science portion.
God has called us all to health. And I mean that in the most obvious and intricate of ways. He has called, in the intricate category, for every cell in our bodies to be functioning properly and in accordance with His will. That means no cancer, no heart disease, no cold or flu. It means alignment with Him. And I'm pretty sure God doesn't get sick.
In the obvious sense, God has called us to observable physical health. And I say this carefully: God has called us to a healthy weight.
I know this probably isn't a surprise; if health is what He wants, that would include our weight. But can I get an amen when I say that size zero isn't everyone's healthy weight? Healthy weights focus on health, not appearance. Not everyone is meant to be a size three or four, but I don't think everyone is meant to be a size thirty either. (I speak in women's sizes. Sorry males. I have no idea how you guys size your clothings.)
So God told me, while I was "testing" that health is not something that just happens to you. I'm not talking about miraculous healing or anything- that absolutely can happen to you. But I mean health as in a state of being. A state of wellness. That means a healthy weight, healthy mind, healthy relationship.
If we look at those three things, I am one-third healthy. I (think that I) have a healthy mind. But other than that, it's kind of a loss. And so, very humbly, I told God I was fed up. I was fed up with not being healthy physically and fed up with not having a healthy consistent relationship with Him. And then He gave me ideas. You know, because he's cool like that.
•Eat more salad. (He told me four salads a week, but I don't know how much salad you eat. He also knows that I enjoy salad. A lot.)
•Eat less snacks, and chew gum instead. (This is because I am orally fixated, meaning I have an almost constant desire to chew on something. Oral fixations usually lead to smokers and overweight people. Smokers don't chew on the cigarettes, I think, but there's still something in their mouths. So it works. And food is self-explanatory. You want to chew. You can chew food. Therefore, food goes into the mouth. Nom noms equals weight gain.)
•Walk more. (Not like, park further away from the mall, though that would work too, but actually purpose to walk a certain distance at a certain time.)
•Don't eat sweets so much. (Because sugar isn't good either.)
•I'm sure you've heard this before: shop around the outside of the store, only venturing into the heavily processed middle when you absolutely have to.
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
(1 Cor 6:19-20, NIV)
1.2.12
Word.
(I'm trying to start writing poems again. And there is no try, only do. So every so often, you, dear reader, will be assaulted by some attempt at poetry which will, with time, prayer, resignation and patience, get better.)
Peace Within and Without.
It is a soft thing.
It comforts and calms
Bringing warmth and joy.
It lives in the smiles of children,
In the comfort of the home
In mother's cooking and
In father's smile.
It is a hard thing.
It puzzles and perplexes
Causing wonder and awe.
It lives in the alleys with the rejected
It crawls on the ground with the rats
It warms itself by the fire with the homeless
It sleeps nestled in the arms of the fatherless
It is a strong thing.
It smolders and shelters
Guarding the weak and strong.
It lives in the child of the broken home
In the shells that burst a mile from the house
In the casket at the funeral of the father and
In the urn that holds the mother.
It dances upon the marble floors
It sings in the coldest alleys
It holds in the darkest moments
It passes understanding
It transcends situations
It looks past the scars.
It is peace.
Within and
Without.
______________________________________________________________________________
Of course I have to be that doo-doo head that completely annihilates any room for personal interpretation. But I don't think I will. I have to make one note, though. The words look kind of like a mountain turned on its side. Haha I just think that's kinda neat. Kaybye.
Peace Within and Without.
It is a soft thing.
It comforts and calms
Bringing warmth and joy.
It lives in the smiles of children,
In the comfort of the home
In mother's cooking and
In father's smile.
It is a hard thing.
It puzzles and perplexes
Causing wonder and awe.
It lives in the alleys with the rejected
It crawls on the ground with the rats
It warms itself by the fire with the homeless
It sleeps nestled in the arms of the fatherless
It is a strong thing.
It smolders and shelters
Guarding the weak and strong.
It lives in the child of the broken home
In the shells that burst a mile from the house
In the casket at the funeral of the father and
In the urn that holds the mother.
It dances upon the marble floors
It sings in the coldest alleys
It holds in the darkest moments
It passes understanding
It transcends situations
It looks past the scars.
It is peace.
Within and
Without.
______________________________________________________________________________
Of course I have to be that doo-doo head that completely annihilates any room for personal interpretation. But I don't think I will. I have to make one note, though. The words look kind of like a mountain turned on its side. Haha I just think that's kinda neat. Kaybye.
17.1.12
Everybody makes mistakes...
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. -Jeremiah 29:11
From the moment we can talk, we want to be big kids. Throughout the course of this week, my eight-year-old brother has said over and over, "I wish I was a teenager." Of course, upon hearing this I would laugh and tell him to enjoy his youth while he could. But it's true. Little girls play in mommy's make up and wear her clothes. Little boys...well, little boys are characteristically little boys. Playing in dirt and digging up worms, playing video games and American football – it's no different that when they're grown. [insert rimshot- haha... 'cause boys are messy....yeah..] We play house and office because we want to be grown up. We don't want to stay kids forever.
In the same way we should desire to grow in our relationship with God. We should want to be big kids in the faith.
Ephesians 4:13-15 All of us are to be as one in the faith and in knowing the Son of God. We are to be full-grown Christians standing as high and complete as Christ is Himself. Then we will not be as children any longer. Children are like boats thrown up and down on big waves. They are blown with the wind. False teaching is like the wind... We are to grow up and be more like Christ. He is the leader of the church.
Big kids don't do certain things that little kids do, because they have matured and grown out of them. Big kids shouldn't scream and stomp in the middle of the grocery store or cry when they don't get their way because they're expected to have grown out of that sort of behavior. Likewise, when one matures in the faith, he naturally assumes that there are certain things he shouldn't do. He expects himself not to lie, cheat, steal or ever ever get angry, and when he does, he gets frustrated with himself because he expects himself to have grown out of this.
But there is news: Progress ≠ Perfection.
As we grow up in the faith, we still have bad days. We still get mad at people, lie to save our butts in a moment of desperation, and do other assorted things which, among the Christian community, it is agreed should probably not be done. And we get frustrated with ourselves because we feel we should have grown up out of that sort of behavior. Perhaps God's been working on a specific issue within us and we feel like we shouldn't act on the issue anymore because we've been such good Christians working on our sin. We feel like we've matured enough, and shouldn't act like children in the faith anymore. And then one day, someone does something that irritates us so much that we explode. We get angry, maybe we say some things that shouldn't be said or do some things that shouldn't be done.
Afterwards, we're disappointed with ourselves and we feel like we haven't made any progress at all. We feel like we're still children in the faith and we're such terrible Christians and we'll never make any progress because we're unfixable.
But the mere knowledge that we've done something wrong and are able to identify what it is speaks volumes. Whereas before we were in sin and perfectly comfortably with it, now when we sin, we feel bad. We feel as though we've done something wrong. This is a huge step in our walk. And messing up doesn't doom us to be failed Christians forever and ever, without hope of redemption or success in any aspect of life.
9 If we tell Him our sins, He is faithful and we can depend on Him to forgive us of our sins. He will make our lives clean from all sin.
Clean from all sin. When we mess up, so long as we repent and ask for forgiveness, we can depend on Him to forgive us of our sins. The end.
10.1.12
Go now, you are forgiven.
I was listening to a song a few minutes ago. It's called The General by Dispatch. And really, unless you have a taste for '60's protest music, I doubt you'll be into the song. I have odd tastes. But there was one line that really struck me in the song.
Go now, you are forgiven.
The song is about a general and his men. They set up camp somewhere, about to go to battle. The general has a bad dream that night and it wakes him up, and he can't go back to bed because he doesn't understand what it means. That morning, all the men stood tall, ready to go to war and somewhat unafraid. They were prepared "chests in the air, with courage in their blood and a fire in their stare" and they awaited the general's orders. He came slowly out of his tent, no doubt weary, troubled and tired and said this:
I have seen the others
and I have discovered
that this fight is not worth fighting
I have seen their mothers
and I will no other
to follow me where I'm going
So,take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
You are young men you must be living
Take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
You are young men you must be living
Go now you are forgiven
"I caught this woman," he said, his tone lofty, "in the very act of adultery. As you know, teacher, Moses said in the law given to him by God himself that any adulterer is to be stoned. You know this to be true." He addressed the crowd, "We all know this to be true!" The mass shouted in response. "Now, rabbi, even you wouldn't dare to defy the law given to you by God, who is above us all?"
Jesus considered this a moment, then smirked and chuckled a bit, as one would do to a child misbehaving trying to be sneaky with his latest scheme, and knelt down and began to write in the dirt that had loosened from the floor. The accuser began to get irritated. "Jesus!" he shouted. "What do you say to this woman's crime?" The mass began to yell again, and they shook the woman, who wept all the more.
Finally, Jesus stood, silently, and addressed the arrogant man cooly. "Whoever it is among you," he said, his voice calm and full of authority, "who has yet to sin once, you throw the first stone. The rest of you then can follow." Then he simply bent down and began writing again.
The accuser looked shocked and stared. The older men began to peel of, knowing that they were far from perfect. They'd no right to condemn her. Then the men of middle age left, and finally the younger, until the only one left was the accuser. He looked at the woman, then Jesus, then his eyes dropped to the writing on the ground, and he left. The woman sank to her knees as Jesus stood.
"Where did they go?" Jesus asked, his voice rich with tenderness. "Where are your accusers? Does anyone accuse you anymore?"
"No, master. No one does." She didn't dare look up at him, but kept her eyes on what he'd written on the ground.
"Neither do I," He said and bent down to help her up. He smiled at her a smile that radiated warmth from his very core. "Go on and sin no more."
Go now, you are forgiven.
The song is about a general and his men. They set up camp somewhere, about to go to battle. The general has a bad dream that night and it wakes him up, and he can't go back to bed because he doesn't understand what it means. That morning, all the men stood tall, ready to go to war and somewhat unafraid. They were prepared "chests in the air, with courage in their blood and a fire in their stare" and they awaited the general's orders. He came slowly out of his tent, no doubt weary, troubled and tired and said this:
I have seen the others
and I have discovered
that this fight is not worth fighting
I have seen their mothers
and I will no other
to follow me where I'm going
So,take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
You are young men you must be living
Take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
You are young men you must be living
Go now you are forgiven
The men were all confused because they'd been ordered into battle. But eventually one by one, they all left until he was alone to face what he felt no man should have to endure. Kindness.
Earlier today, a friend and I were in the front office at school. My friend had too many tardies and wanted to know if she would end up in ideal for it. There were words exchanged, and as we were about to leave, the principal smiled and said "Go on and sin no more." As far as I know, he didn't really answer his question, but I think I didn't really need to hear his answer. I heard what I needed to hear from her conversation. Go on and sin no more.
[This passage is taken from The Message paraphrase of the Bible. It isn't a translation, but I like the storytelling of The Message. It's lovely.]
John 8
To Throw the Stone
1-2 Jesus went across to Mount Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them. 3-6The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?" They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.
6-8Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.
9-10Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"
11"No one, Master."
"Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don't sin."
___________________________________________
Jesus sat in the temple, teaching when the doors flew open and a crowd swept in, yelling and shouting all sorts of things – some directed at Jesus, some directed at the frail, weeping woman they were roughly leading in by the elbow. The mass shoved through the crowd to the front of the room to talk to Jesus. A man came forward, the one who had the disheveled woman's arm, with an arrogant glint in his eye. Surely even this "son of God" knows she deserves death, he thought and laughed inwardly. "I caught this woman," he said, his tone lofty, "in the very act of adultery. As you know, teacher, Moses said in the law given to him by God himself that any adulterer is to be stoned. You know this to be true." He addressed the crowd, "We all know this to be true!" The mass shouted in response. "Now, rabbi, even you wouldn't dare to defy the law given to you by God, who is above us all?"
Jesus considered this a moment, then smirked and chuckled a bit, as one would do to a child misbehaving trying to be sneaky with his latest scheme, and knelt down and began to write in the dirt that had loosened from the floor. The accuser began to get irritated. "Jesus!" he shouted. "What do you say to this woman's crime?" The mass began to yell again, and they shook the woman, who wept all the more.
Finally, Jesus stood, silently, and addressed the arrogant man cooly. "Whoever it is among you," he said, his voice calm and full of authority, "who has yet to sin once, you throw the first stone. The rest of you then can follow." Then he simply bent down and began writing again.
The accuser looked shocked and stared. The older men began to peel of, knowing that they were far from perfect. They'd no right to condemn her. Then the men of middle age left, and finally the younger, until the only one left was the accuser. He looked at the woman, then Jesus, then his eyes dropped to the writing on the ground, and he left. The woman sank to her knees as Jesus stood.
"Where did they go?" Jesus asked, his voice rich with tenderness. "Where are your accusers? Does anyone accuse you anymore?"
"No, master. No one does." She didn't dare look up at him, but kept her eyes on what he'd written on the ground.
"Neither do I," He said and bent down to help her up. He smiled at her a smile that radiated warmth from his very core. "Go on and sin no more."
____________________________________________________
I believe that God would say to us now, "Go and sin no more. You are forgiven, you are beloved." If we learn to lean on Him and on His strength, if we learn to rely on his infinite and amazing knowledge, and if we learn to trust Him and His promises, we will never fall. If we seek Him- if our delight is found in Him and Him alone, we will have no desire for the sin we're going from. That used to sound so cheesy to me until about two days ago. But it makes so much sense now. God is all-consuming, and that means he consumes all. It means he occupies every inch and every corner of our hearts and our lives, and when we let go of our fears and our reservations, and just let Him do what only He can, we'll have a real and intense desire for Him and only Him. And that's where I want to be. I'm not there yet though. I'm a work in progress.
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