Amazing

  I've tried four times to get out what I mean to say. I've sat here and typed paragraphs and deleted them because they just don't capture what I'm trying to say. So I'm just going to write and hope it makes sense.


  God is amazing. I just want to scream it from the rooftops. God. Is. Amazing. God is so far above anything I could ever imagine, so much higher and more awesome than anything I could ever dream of. He breathes out stars and speaks light. His hands dropped the stars into place and I know he knows their names. The sky screams his praises, the sun rises and sets to the glory of his name. There is nothing like Him, no one like Him in the whole of creation. He cares for the birds and the trees, He cares for His creation because he loves to do so. How magnificent is that. Everything he's done is awesome, even if it doesn't look that way. He's provided so much and kept me so long, I could never trust another like I trust Him. He's the one who I know I can turn to when I'm scared, when I feel alone or distressed, when I don't know what to do, when I'm overjoyed and don't know what to do with the happiness I feel. He's there. I could never hide from Him because his eye is always on me. He doesn't look away because he loves me. It's insane.
   I don't think I could ever fully comprehend all that He is or all the love He has for me. He holds me and never lets go, He's patient and kind and generous and so many more things that no language could ever quite convey. The few words that I can give are far less than what He deserves but I don't have anything else to give. And even in my piddly little offering, He's glad. Because He's amazing.

I Love You Too

  So, I'm back with another post. Because I know how much you guys love them (joke, haha). Seriously though, I don't know why nothing would come whenever I was trying to write something, but it wouldn't come.

  A couple of days ago, I was listening to Mumford and Sons because I'm such a hipster, and the song "White Blank Page" came on because it was part of the playlist. No biggie, right? Songs usually come on when they're part of a playlist. The song is here:

  So I was listening to that song and one of the lines I had never really listened to caught my ear. He says "You desired my attention, but denied my affection." And I got this weird look on my face like I just ate something rotten and was watching the most beautiful sunset in the universe at the same time. In that line, I didn't just hear Marcus Mumford singing, I heard a near desperate, almost heartbroken cry.  In that line, God was saying to me "You desired my attention but denied my affection." And then later, the same desperation came through in the line "Tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?" 

  I wanted to cry. 

 I thought of all the "conversations" I had with God where I'm accusing Him of something.

  "Why are you making this so hard on me? Why don't you make it easier? Do you like to see me fail?"

  Tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?  I wasn't listening.

  "God, why isn't this working out the exact way I want it? Do you like frustrating me or something?"

  Tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart? Again, I didn't listen.

   Needless to say, after listening to this song, I was very upset with myself. I desired His attention but denied His affection, when really that's all I need. And it upset me so much. How could I have been so heartless, so blind to the love that was being offered to me? All He's done is love me and all I've done is "gimme gimme." Even now as I'm writing this I feel a little disgust at the way I've been. A spoiled brat.

  It got me to wondering if anyone else acted this way. If you're acting like a brat, there's no shame and no condemnation, but stop it (in the most loving way possible). Here we have a God infinite in being and abounding in love, and he wants to give us that love and instead he's nudging us, saying "You desired my attention, but denied my affection. So tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?" And we just gripe. We need to stop. We need to be a loving bride, not a nag who only wants more and more. I'm amazed that He still loves us with all of that whining we do. And yet, in His awesomeness and fantasticality, He still loves us.